Take Care of Your Whole-Self This Season
As the due date for this blog came up, I spent the entire morning in bed. Struggling to get up by lunchtime, I had been going strong for days with not a lot of sleep doing client work, launching a new service line, ushering my daughter around for dance performances, and an emotionally intense day at a community grief event.
I looked at the clock and my day ahead and realized I was scheduled to write a blog about self-care. Hmm, isn’t that interesting? I was emotionally and physically exhausted, getting sick and my body was giving me a message. It was to stop pushing and allow myself to go back to being horizontal.
I wanted to put everything on hold and declare a self-care day.
But then I got a pit in my stomach and heard a little voice say, “I can’t not write this today. This is due and I committed to it months ago!”
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Accountability and integrity to my word are deeply held values of mine, so I went straight to fret. What would be thought of me if I told them I was sick and exhausted and needed another day or two extension?
I had a choice to push through to meet the date which would be subpar quality or take care of myself and tell my colleagues what I need.
Even as a Leadership Coach who teaches whole self-care and using your voice, I found myself feeling the nag of guilt, the whisper of judgment, and the whip of my inner critic at the thought of it all.
Why? Because I have been programmed that way since childhood.
The Impact of Our Conditioning
Having a people-pleasing Mom, high-achieving parents, and a typical American-schooling experience, it was reinforced to me at home and at school that one must “push through” no matter what to achieve and get results. The lie I believed was that only “results” are hailed as the pinnacle of the highest performance in life, especially corporate life.
I had an engrained paradigm that getting things done was always more important than taking care of myself. Giving into my humanity – aka being vulnerable and honoring the needs of my body, mind, and emotions – felt weak.
The Truth
As I remembered this lifelong narrative was a story of the past, I took a very deep breath, got myself centered, and remembered the truth: When I honor and take care of myself, I am stronger, healthier, and I produce better results.
I smirked to myself that thankfully I was working with a crew who practice what they preach about making work human and honoring ourselves. “How ironic and perfect,” I thought.
When I finally sent the email explaining my needs, without pause, the team wished me well and gave me plenty of room to rest up and write when I felt like myself again.
The Added Stress of the Holidays
This time of year, when we are trying to close out our work, keep up with the hustle and bustle of the holiday doings, take vacations, be with family, host, and go to endless social events, it is easy to fall prey to old narratives that don’t serve us or tell us to not take care of ourselves.
This time of year is characterized by lots of over-committing, over-buying, over-working, over-calendaring, over-eating, over-drinking, and just plain overdoing. Is anyone else just over it all? Even the joyful things are done in excess and with a frenzy of timelines and unrealistic expectations.
To embrace the practice of taking care of our whole selves – our minds, hearts, bodies and souls - we have to go against the norm.
We must slow down. Let go of the craze of the outside world. Tune into our inside world and make wise intentional choices that support our well-being.
We don’t have to succumb to the societal norms or traditions that no longer serve us - or never did.
Guidelines for Whole Self-Care During the Holiday Season
It is a season of giving, and it’s time to give yourself the GIFT of taking care of yourself.
Here are three guidelines to help you create balance, take care of your whole self and bring more peace into this time of year.
Say YES and No with Conviction – Give yourself a pause before saying yes and permission to say no. Is anyone else a recovering people pleaser and over-committer like me? I have an immediate reaction to wanting to say yes to everyone and everything before I have fully thought it through. When I slow down and let go of my old paradigm and tune into my intuition, I ask myself if I have the time, energy, space, or interest to fulfill the request being made. I now make sure my “yes”-es are full-bodied and full-hearted - meaning every part of me is aligned with the YES!
Full Body Yes/No Strategy to Practice: Think about something you aren’t sure you want to or should attend. Close your eyes and imagine the sights and sounds of being part of that event. Play out conversations and see the people and feel the environment. See yourself getting there and leaving. Your intuition, imagination, and emotions will trigger feelings in your body. Feel the sensations in your body and notice how it will give you all the information you need to know if you are a yes or no!
Listen to Your Soul – Slow down and reflect on your year and what’s calling to your soul for next year. Make this a sacred time with yourself. Step away from your phone or computer and turn everything off. Make space to just be present with yourself and listen. Breathe deeply in and out. Make an intention to connect with the deepest part of you. You might do this in nature, like a hike or walk on the beach or sitting in a forest. You might have a cozy private space in your house or a perfect little coffee shop with your favorite drink. Then, ask yourself these questions and record what comes to you.
What were the most meaningful things I did this year?
What brought me the greatest joy and satisfaction?
What were my greatest learnings and how did I grow?
What are disappointments or losses that I need to acknowledge or grieve?
What is calling to me right now?
What people, passions, and work are aligned with my soul?
How do I want to be of service and make an impact in the world next year or beyond?
Center, Calm, and Settle Yourself – Create daily routines to check in with your body, energy, and emotions. Schedule sacred boundaries for physical movement, sleep, and mental/emotional self-care. If you don’t already have a set morning practice to center your mind, calm your emotions and settle your body, this is the time to start! Even 10-15 minutes each morning before you do anything else will set a powerful stage for your day.
Meditations, affirmations, positive mantras, journaling, praying, breathwork, yoga, chanting, inspirational recordings, or books are powerful practices that can be done with limited time and the assistance of online videos and apps. My favorite thing to do in the morning is journal to set intentions for the day, pick an affirmation card and open up YouTube, enter the topic I want to meditate on in the search function, and see what pops up!Check-In Morning Centering Practice: When you wake up, put your hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Breathe deeply in and out and tune into your belly. Ask your physical body what it needs to have well-being today. Listen for the answer. Then focus on the hand on your heart and ask it what it feels like today and what it needs. Thank your body and heart for being alive and for all they do for you. Do whatever message they give you. If you can’t act on it right away, write it down and commit to doing it later.
My heartfelt wish to you? As you go through December, remember you are stronger, healthier, and better when you take care of yourself and bring your full self to everything you do.
An Invitation to Go Deeper
Have you or your work team experienced high stress, major challenges, or loss this year? Reach out to learn about Jen’s AHW workshops and coaching on navigating grief, trauma-informed whole-person self-care, and transforming pain into purpose. Inquire here.
Need a daily dose of inspiration? Check out Jen’s book: “Daily Nuggets of Truth: Wisdom for Centering Your Soul in Unsettling Times”. With 30 days of short readings, this book offers Jen’s wisdom along with affirmative prayers and mantras for your daily practice. Access your 30 days here.
