Choosing Love Through Respect When the World Feels Heavy
The world feels fragile right now.
Not only are we remembering the 9-11 tragedy, but news of multiple instances of violence, dehumanization, and division are weighing heavy. It is painful to witness the ongoing political violence or too many times throughout the last year, yet another school shooting, and actions that tear families and communities apart. On days like this, I feel sad, weary, and worried, and I am guessing many of you share these feelings, too.
In my Loving Leader emails, I mostly keep focused on the workplace believing that we have an important opportunity to have an impact on the world through our teams and organizations. Work is a vast territory where the expansion of Love is sorely needed. But today, with all that has been happening, I want to affirm that standing for Love is standing for Respect as Fundamental Human Dignity for all.
I'm going to take the time for a deeper dive today, because its important in these times we face.
In my research and teaching, I've learned that respect is a complicated term that we use in different ways. Sorting through this complexity can help make sense of what we see and feel, and keep us grounded in our human values.
In this case, when I name respect, I'm speaking of the basic respect that is due to every person because they are human, no matter their station, job, status, or opinion. This unearned fundamental respect applies even when someone is offensive, or disagrees with us, or even breaks the law.
This Respect as Human Dignity is part of our social contract as a civil society. Respect as Human Dignity is why we enshrined due process, why incarcerated individuals receive healthcare, why we educate all children, and why social systems ensure some basic level of food and shelter for all people.
Respect as Trust is a different kind of respect; it is earned when someone demonstrates to us their reliability and integrity, or given by us in trust. Respect as Honor is earned by someone based on their admirable actions or character or it is given by us as a choice. Respect as Deference acknowledges someone's formal role or rightful ownership.
Each of these different types of respect has its opposite form of disrespect: Dehumanization, Distrust, Dishonor, and Disregard.
Outside the circle of fundamental Human Dignity is Dehumanization. This means disregarding or demeaning the basic humanity of individuals or groups. This othering leads to the justification of mocking, descrimination, human rights abuses, and violence. Dehumanization undermines our social foundation and collective well-being. It should be the commitment of every one of us to stand against dehumanization in any form.
In contrast, someone can “earn” our Disrespect as Distrust by being unreliable, unsafe, or lacking in morals. Or they can earn our Disrespect as Dishonor because of their words, actions, opinions, or character.
Disrespect as Disregard, which is refusing to recognize someone's property, role or authority, can be brought on by Distrust or Dishonor or it can be connected to Dehumanization.
It is possible to maintain Respect as Fundamental Human Dignity and yet hold individuals with Distrust and Dishonor, and in some cases Disregard. But Dehumanizing someone is a clear violation of their Human Dignity; this is the line we must never cross.
It is a great danger when Distrust, Dishonor, and Disregard become untethered from basic Human Dignity. Without that mooring, these types of disrespect can drift into Dehumanization, seeing others as less than human, unworthy of care or rights or life. That is when fear becomes cruelty, and cruelty leads to violence. This is the root of so much of the suffering and harm we witness.
And, this is why Loving Leadership matters. In the face of fear, our commitment to Love, to honoring human dignity, to choosing trust and compassion becomes an act of courage. We can't stop every act of violence or cruelty, but we can create pockets of humanity where people are seen, valued, and safe. Workplaces, teams, and communities can be sanctuaries of dignity, acceptance and belonging in troubled times.
Keep choosing love over fear. Keep showing respect in all its forms. Keep creating places where people can thrive. That's the leadership our world needs.
With this framework in mind and the urgent need to uphold respect wherever possible, consider these reflection questions this week:
Which form of respect (dignity, trust, honor, or deference) feels most important for you to practice in your leadership right now?
When have you witnessed small acts of respect or compassion that made a big difference in your workplace or community?
What is one choice you can make this week to create a pocket of dignity and safety for others?
Then turn these concepts to action with this exercise:
At least once this week when you are in a meeting or conversation, pause to notice: Which kind of respect is most needed here - dignity, trust, honor, or deference?
Choose one small way to embody it. That might be by listening more attentively, naming someone's contribution, affirming a role or right, or simply acknowledging someone's humanity.
