I have been called the Queen of the Obvious a time or two, which makes me smile. This is just fine with me. Afterall, someone has to be! 😉

And, just because something is obvious, doesn’t mean it’s easy or unimportant! In fact, in the case of Loving Leadership behaviors, quite the opposite is true.

We are Loving Leaders in the real world with pressures and challenges. Sometimes after we’ve done all we can do, we find ourselves needing to negotiate for something else in order to do right by our team members and ourselves.

It was sitting on the curb at the back of the grocery store parking lot on a hot July day. Dry and shriveled, its tiny pot was wrapped in pink foil. It was intended to be a gift, the kind you might pick up for an ailing aunt or for friends hosting dinner.

Jim saw it sitting there abandoned. A tiny rose plant. 

Our work as Loving Leaders can be complex. I've been feeling the tugs and pulls from many directions. I've been hearing it from leaders too.  After all, we are responsible for enacting love in various forms in multiple relationships and places simultaneously. Our route is not always clear.

Respect is often identified as a core value by individuals as well as by teams or organizations. And, I've learned through numerous discussions and facilitations that “respect” means wildly different things to different people. 

People will declare, “Every human being deserves fundamental respect!” as often as others will say, “A person has to earn my respect!”

When we are acclimated to poor conditions, then new conditions can feel better than they actually are. The absence of these terrible experiences will be a relief.

But that said, the absence of harm is not the same as the presence of care. 

Have you ever had the experience of asking someone you know well a question and discovering how little you knew about them?

 This was my experience when I sat down to interview my husband Jim about negotiations.

A few weeks ago, we blocked 25 minutes, set a timer, opened a blank email for each person, and customized a short, simple, sincere, note naming something specific you appreciated that week. And sent them.

Saying thanks doesn't have to be complicated. As Loving Leaders, that's an intentional practice to do - to show gratitude to all your team members. Here is a simple 5-step method to get you going.

Stand for Loving Leadership and you'll inevitably be pressed to prove that it works. We should welcome this and be ready with valid information showing both the business and human impacts of Love. 

I’d heard a version of this same statement numerous times this summer. In workshops. In meetings. In one-on-one conversations. I’ve read it in articles too.

“These ideas [about Loving Leadership] are so obvious. They are something we all know.”

But why don't we do them?

You see, that fallen tree became the nurse log of new life. New strong seedlings sent down roots in and around the remains of the old tree. I found my voice, reclaimed my life, and with lots of support, had the courage to change and grow.

If you are feeling confined because you don't have the budget or the capacity or the bandwidth or the support for the Big Things you wish you could do, remember you have a BIG collection of little things that, truthfully, are the Big Things! 

What I'm reflecting on most is something I said to our friends when they expressed gratitude for us taking the time with them. 

Loving Leaders hold the needs of people each day. And they hold the need to embed Love in all aspects of their work – in purpose, in process, in systems, in structures. They hold loving responsibility to care about these details.  

Loving Leader, as you do that work today, pause and remember what holds you, even while you are holding all this.

Years ago, when I was in graduate school, Peter Block was teaching our class and asked for four volunteers but didn't say what for. I hesitated and four other people volunteered. Then he said, “Thank you. Now reflect and share with a partner about the choice you just made, and how that is representative of what you always do.” 

Sometimes things do work out!! We research, plan, collaborate, work hard, send out prayers or positive energy, and, lo and behold, we achieve our goal! 

What next?

When my eight year old grandson Carson came from Tennessee to stay with us in Washington State for two weeks in July, we committed to be TV and screen free for entertainment for his entire visit.

Sometimes even with our best efforts as leaders and on our teams, things don’t work out the way we envision. In fact, often they don’t!