Why a Grown Adult Needed a Gold Star!

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This morning, as I prepared to check in with my book-writing coach, Conni, I was like a deflated balloon.

I’d hardly written anything all week. Words? What words? Does my brain even work anymore? I dunno. It feels doubtful.

I stared dully at the screen.

One short sentence came to me. It seemed pathetic. But I elbowed the sense of futility aside and typed it into the manuscript. At least this page wasn’t blank anymore.

Then… another came. And another.

Before I knew it, I had a coherent paragraph, then two, then three. It wasn’t a chapter, but it was something.

It was enough for me to meet my coach on Zoom … with my camera on.

When I shared this tiny bit of progress, Conni LOVED it. She celebrated the clarity and the solid structure emerging on the page.

She gave me a virtual high five AND a gold star.

I laughed with delight.

Now, mind you, I am an adult woman. Seasoned, shall we say. I’ve published in academic journals, written hundreds of blog posts, and a bunch of magazine articles. I’ve earned a master’s degree.

And still…today, I was an excited third grader again.

Her affirmation was everything.

At lunch, I proudly told my husband, Jim, about Conni’s praise and my gold-star-worthy words. Wise man that he is, he congratulated me.

I happily received his affirmation too.

While I know extrinsic motivation is the key to engagement--I’m all about autonomy, mastery and purpose (thank you,Daniel Pink for Drive)--sometimes we all need a little external validation.

It helps to know someone sees our struggle and celebrates our progress.

I see this on a team I’m working with. They are all highly accomplished professionals, yet they rarely share their achievements or celebrate each other. The result? They feel empty and disconnected.

So this week,  I had them interview each other, gathering stories and headlines of what they are proud of.

As they spoke, they glowed. They relaxed. They smiled. They leaned in.

Being seen changed something.

I see this with a family member, too. She’s been navigating a big challenge with her characteristic strength and grace. She hasn’t wobbled.

Until this week.

She needed to know that she was seen and not alone.

What about your team members, Loving Leader?

Who around you might need a high five or a gold star today?

A word of appreciation. A moment of recognition. A reminder that they are seen.

Offer it.

And what about YOU?

Please don’t rush past it when it’s offered to you.

And if no one knows what you’ve been up to, you can reply and tell me!

I’ll celebrate and high-five with you. Gold stars, too!