What Experience Are You Creating?

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Most people, when they hear the word fear, picture something dramatic.

 A toxic boss screaming across the room. A hostile workplace investigation. Someone in tears at their desk.

 And yes, sometimes that’s what fear looks like.

 But fear can also be…subtler. Even quiet. Easier to miss or explain away.

 That's what I've come to understand after years of research, including over 100 interviews with people about their experiences at work. Fear is rarely the monster in the corner. It's more often the slow corrosive drip that erodes confidence, trust and peace of mind.

Take Paul. He loved his job.

He had a great manager and a strong, collaborative team. He knew what was expected and received excellent performance reviews. He felt included and like he could truly contribute value. Then his manager took a promotion, and a new one took her place.

Paul told me, "Things got weird fast."

"I went from knowing what was expected to never knowing what was expected. We used to be an open and inclusive team, but suddenly there was a new inner circle, and I wasn't part of it."

Within six months, Paul left, taking his skills, his institutional knowledge, and his dedication with him.

Here's what strikes me about Paul’s story: nothing about his job actually changed. His role was the same. His pay and benefits were the same. The organization’s mission and his team’s objectives were the same. But his experience of work changed completely. And that experience drove his disengagement and his decision to leave.

Paul's fear didn't arrive with a memo. It arrived in small moments of exclusion, being left off of communication, of not knowing where he stood.

The essence of Paul’s story is all too familiar. In my research, while fear took many forms, being overlooked and undervalued was all too common.

Here's the part I want you to sit with: often this is unintentional. Research backs this up. A 2024 study by Hubbart in Administrative Sciences found that leaders frequently create fear-based conditions without awareness, simply by defaulting to learned habits under pressure. This isn't about bad people. It's about unexamined patterns of unprepared leaders operating in a team, across the organization, embedding their patterns in the culture as the expected way to lead and work.

At every stage of working life, people are quietly asking two questions:

Am I safe here? Do I matter here?

When the answers are no, even subtly, even once, fear takes hold. And fear doesn't produce better performance. It produces self-protection. Withdrawal. Silence. And eventually, a resignation letter.

So here's my invitation.

Think of one person or situation on your team. Ask yourself honestly: What experience am I creating for them? Could fear be operating in ways I haven't noticed?

Then ask: What would Love look like in this moment instead?

You likely already know the answer. Just pause to let that wisdom surface and then, let Love lead.

P.S. If you'd like support answering these questions, or help building these practices across your team or organization, let’s talk.

Love doesn't require perfection. It requires a choice, made again and again, in the moments that matter most.